Why Professional Wrestling DVD's Suck

And with that title, I descend into the depression of my love-hate relationship with Professional Wrestling. (I think that might be the first time that sentence has ever been written.) Let me back out a bit to give some background. I love wrestling. I know it's scripted. That's why I watch Pro Wrestling and not Boxing or MMA. I love the goofy characters, the soap opera storylines, and the intricate series of moves that would never happen in real life.

That being said, there are a number of things that really take the fun out of watching wrestling, especially the DVD selections out there. It's not that they're poorly produced, boring, or otherwise unwatchable. They're just missing a few things. Here are the things that piss me off about wrestling in general, and wrestling DVD's in specific.

The Fall of WCW: I was a huge WCW fan. Still am. That last Nitro in Panama City Beach broke my heart. I never wanted that ride to end. Of course, now the WWE owns the libraries of WCW, so they have the ability to put out their material, but aside from the occasional former WCW wrestler who made a name in WWE, the only sets they've put out were The Best of Starrcade and The Rise and Fall of WCW. Even those tended to focus more on the pre-WCW NWA days and 1994-1998. Almost nothing on the stuff going on from 1999-2001, and almost nothing on some of the undercard stuff, other than "great cruiserweights". I mean, no Blood Runs Cold? Only a couple quick shots of Norman Smiley? Barely any Disco Inferno? Hardly a mention of the Jung Dragons and 3-Count? Of course, the last one is partly due to...

The Re-Masking of Rey Mysterio Jr.: I understand he gets over because of the mask. I know he looks like he's 13 years old without it. However, since his mask has made his face a mystery, that means anything from Kevin Nash unmasking him in 1999 to his match with Kidman to take the Cruiserweight Tag Team Titles from Elix Skipper and Kid Romeo is off limits. Including his time with the Filthy Animals. Including the amazing tournament finale match for those Cruiserweight Tag belts at Greed. Including most of the cruiserweight action from those years. I await the day that Rey is unmasked and those matches will see the light of day. At least that day will happen, because it's more likely than seeing a match from...

Chris Benoit, Child Murderer: I was a huge Benoit fan. His Swandive Headbutt off the top of the cage on Thunder was amazing. (The fact that it was on Thunder says something about WCW booking at the time, but I digress.) I cheered when he finally won the WCW title, and cheered louder when he won the World Title at Wrestlemania 20. Then, he killed his wife, his child, and himself. I damn sure do not condone his actions. Like so many, I wish he was still around. Maybe he wouldn't be doing the headbutt off the top rope, and maybe he wouldn't even be wrestling, but he'd be alive, and so would his family. It's inaccurate to say I'm pissed at him because he ruined DVD's, but that's part of it. How much better would the Raw boxed set be if he was part of it? The WCW set? Talking about the whole deal that brought him, Eddy, Dean, and Perry over to WWF? An important chapter in the life of WCW erased to avoid mentioning the pariah. Say, did I say WWF? That reminds me...

Getting the F Out: So the World Wildlife Federation wins a lawsuit over the name WWF, and the World Wrestling Federation becomes World Wrestling Entertainment. Fine, legal matter from that day on, but now every DVD features more cut audio and blurred logos than a 90's Gangsta Rap video. My favorite part is how the "scratch" logo from 1998-2002 has to be blurred, but the old-school logo, which is practically the same basic letter design, is perfectly fine. Plus, you hear announcers on old matches talking about the WW(blank) Champion. Totally lame. The worst part is how oversaturated those matches were with the logo. You had about twelve different logos at the entrance, a dozen around the ring, one on every ref's shirt, one on every camera guy's shirt, a ton of fan-made signs, the Announcer's tables, the Microphones, the interview areas, the locker rooms, the title belts, and on and on and on! Sometimes you can barely see the match for all the blur, and while that's fine for an Al Snow-Big Boss Man Kennel From Hell match, it sucks for the truly great matches. At least you can hear the action, when they aren't using...

Knockoff Music: Not the Jimmy Hart versions of songs that actually became wrestlers' themes, but the music they had to throw in because they lost the rights to the real music they put out. It makes Sandman's ECW entrance even more ludicrous, something I didn't think possible. The WWE's music for Goldberg just doesn't have the same feel as the original WCW theme. Even silly bits of music they lost the rights to, like Cactus Jack's first WWF theme (though "Mr. Bang Bang" was an improvement) or Ricky Steamboat's theme circa WMIII. It just throws the setting off when you know the crowd noise isn't real because they had to replace the music. Of course, sometimes the music's the same, but you can't hear what they're saying because...

The WWE's going family-friendly: WWE has lowered their rating for Raw to TV-PG from TV-13. This has caused a lot of the more adult elements off the show. On the upside, we probably won't see a redo of the Mae Young giving birth to a hand angle or the whole Katie Vick Necrophilia bit. On the neutral side, John Cena's finishing moves are the Attitude Adjustment and STF instead of the FU and STFU (though the FU was a play off of Brock Lesnar's F5, and he's been off WWE TV for years). The down side is that a lot of the stuff from WWF's Attitude era has to be censored to ensure the kiddies won't be exposed and the parents won't get mad. The worst case I've seen is the New Age Outlaws' part of the Allied Powers set, where Billy Gunn isn't referred to by his nickname (Bad Ass Billy Gunn or Mr. Ass) during the intro, and Road Dogg's opening speil is "Oh you didn't know? Your (blank) better call somebody!" Seriously? Do you think you'll ever see a real best of DX across all versions any time soon? Then again, I doubt I'll see that more because they like to...

Blame the Enemy: I mean, are you going to see much positive press for either of the Outlaws while they're on TNA's side? Just check The Rise and Fall of WCW. Who shoulders most of the blame? Russo, Nash, and Jarrett. Now, Russo deserved a good chunk of the blame, as did Nash. Jarrett? Ok, so they tried to push him as the big heel, and it wasn't all that successful. Who else could have been? I mean, they tried making Goldberg a heel, so you know they were grasping at straws. No, WWE still held a grudge against Jarrett for holding them up on his last day in WWF as the IC champion, not to mention running the competition. Do you think Lex Luger will ever get a positive mention, or much of any mention beyond his defection for the first Nitro? Do you expect to see anything overwhelmingly positive about Kurt Angle, Sting, Booker T, or Kevin Nash while they're working for the competition? Granted, you don't really want to be releasing the best of someone who's headlining for your competition, but it still makes things suck just a bit more.

I guess what I'd like to see is a little more on the more obscure bits of wrestling. The angles that either didn't really work or really didn't work. The next big things that weren't, the good solid workers that languished in midcard hell, and the guys who caught on despite being given nothing to catch on with, only to be buried for getting too popular. I'd also love to see a "Best of the Cruiserweights" thing, especially if Rey gets unmasked and his later WCW matches are fair game. However, I'd rather not have it boil down to just more Rey, Dean, Eddy, Chavo, Chris Jericho, Psychosis, and Juvi matches and add some peeps like Kidman, Norman Smiley, Disco Inferno, Kaz Hayashi, Blitzkrieg, and Evan Karagious (or however they spelled it that week). I'd love more in-depth sets for the nWo and something for DX through all the incarnations. Finally, I'd like to see a disc of just interviews. Make it the best (and worst) moments on the mic. Show The Rock and Austin at their best, Chris Jericho and his 1004 holds, Kevin Nash acting goofy, and John Cena at his cleverest. Then, throw in a few bloopers, like Barbarian attempting to talk on the mic, some of Mike Adamle's embarassment, and Michael Buffer's "Brett 'Hitman' Clark".

Of course, these are just my opinions. I could be wrong.